it is it

I'm in dilemma, I feel so heavy. First, I feel really bad because I'm still using my parent's money. I'm at the age where I'm supposedly the one who give them money. Now, I'm continuing my studies and the fee is extremely expensive ( for me). My university I'm enrolled is the cheapest university in terms of fees in this country. Yet, the burden is still heavy for people like us. My dad was retired, and I'm using half of his savings for myself.

People asked me to find job, but I can't do many jobs at a time. I'll be seriously screw ups. I'm so terrified with the word "fail". It's an extreme nightmare and can't handle it anymore. Been fail so many times before and the feelings still exist. Now, migraine is kinda a part of my life n when it mixed with stress headache, you'll not become yourself anymore. It's a zombie.

@;-BTB# :D

searching for light

The feeling is like I'm in the middle of a very long dark tunnel. I need to stay alive and survive till I met the end. That's the aim. But how? What I know and do is just keep walking. But I  don't know how long I must do the walking, I need to eat and drink to hold the fort. It's too dark, I can't see anything.So, what should I do?

@;-BTB# :D

first assignment

12/9/19 My master's classes was on weekends.lol.only two days a week annnddd 5 subjects. Hahaha. T_T. last week was my very first day for new level of education. Yeah, got   the very first assignment too.

Because my level is masters degree right now, so everything is about research and lots of reading, just got a list of what the lecturer want on certain domain and submission date. Yeay! No more spoon feed alright?.haha.

I kinda like this situations where I got "lots" of time on weekdays as I'm taking coursework and fulltime mode of studies. My problem right now is just making decision on what to do/write. I'm kinda confuse whether I must narrowed down my reading or just take the main idea only.hmmmm

One of my longtime problem is to SPEAK!. In this level, if I can't speak, seriously I'm DONE.
I need to ask my lecturer about my confusion but got no guts at all and I'm in dilemma. I'm doing his task for 5 days already. I just hate myself why I still can't overcome my lacking.

Yeah, I just stop again for a while right now because I can't think straight anymore. I keep thinking something else and losing track of what I'm doing.


@;-BTB# :D