*all my previous stories been moved out, cause it's meaningless already *
I didn't even start it yet. Just got an offer letter. Yet, I felt like I'm failed already. Yeah, I'm terrified with the words "failed". Been failed too many times before. It's a shame, a nightmares. I'm also terrified with the words "presentation ". I'm gonna facing it both everyday. This time is a real thesis battles where I will be rejected and redo things repeatedly ,doing uncountable presentations in public.
The time I got the message I'm accepted, I smiled because it's a "successful ". But it's just afew seconds. Then I come to realization where I need to face the reality of taking this path. I need to face my main fobias one by one. It's not a good sign.
If I told people how I feel right now, maybe I'll be called crazy, over thinking, maniac...
I really want to do this, but I just don't believe in myself. I have a short-term memory lost , I can't remember much. That's why I kinda doesn't like exam. But I'm still taking the one with exams because It's has classes I can attend . I don't even have ''backup" ally and can't have it like last time ( that person came suddently and offering helps at the very last minute but then I severed our ties for some reason after that). So, I wont get any this time.
I just realize this one thing not long ago. I can start something but I just can never finished it myself. There'll be someone else do it for me. This is my main concern. I'm afraid I can't finished it on time when I'm alone. The time might be my enemy. The more I think about due date, my mind starting to frozen up altogether. I wonder what kind of countermeasures I must possess for my problems.
This decision of mine might be the ending of my life if I lost in the battlefield, might also be a ladder for another level. I'm already losing my way after the industrial training end. This maybe a new beginning for a loser like me. I wonder....
@;-BTB# :D